Dixie

One of my favorite things about my older sister has always been her hands. I am the second of six children, so she is the only older sibling I have ever known. I have always looked up to her. I remember her hands fixing my hair and teaching me to put on eyeshadow and drive a car. I remember her hands as she held medical books for years and years...receiving her Bachelor's and then her Master's in Nursing. She now uses these hands to diagnose and treat hundreds of heart patients...to show the love of Christ through her life's occupation.



And I remember her hands holding shots and pills as she endured test after test and medication after medication trying to have a baby. I remember them folded in prayer as she cried tears for the little ones she so strongly desired.



Two days before Christmas her beautiful hands held a picture of tiny dots in blackness. Not just one baby but two! God-willing in seven months her strong, soft hands will hold our little Christmas miracles.



She has taught me so much about faith through the years; about enduring difficulty and hard times; about accepting what God has for you...even if it is not the path you would choose on your own. Seeing the lives growing inside of her is a clear picture of God's grace. Hooray! What a Merry Christmas...:)

Feliz Navidad.

Christmas always makes me so pensive. I don't know what it is...maybe it's the lights or the music...I just get very emotional and cheesy at Christmastime. I'm just thankful today. I'm thankful for my precious family...blunt remarks and all. :) I'm thankful that I am loved...not only by my family and sweet friends; but by the Savior of the world.

It's amazing isn't it? The simple message of Christmas is incredible when you stop and think about it. It's overwhelming.

Emmanuel. God with us. What a beautiful reason to celebrate; to worship.

Unlikely Teacher

It's amazing isn't it...how we learn things from the most unlikely people? This past Sunday my mom went to a hotel and picked up a lady who called looking for a ride to church. My mom was teaching Children's Church on this particular Sunday so I sat with the lady during the service. She is about 50 years old. Her husband lost his job in a nearby town and they moved looking for work. She said he was 'sick' (although I'm not sure exactly what she means by that). She was a little different, and definitely stood out in the church crowd. She told me that if they didn't find a job by the end of the week, they would be kicked out of the hotel and living on the streets. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being 50 years old and having no home...no car...no relatives to take you in?

Yet, she knew the words to every song. Her Bible was worn and highlighted. When the offering plate was passed she pulled a few dollars out of her fanny pack and put them in. I almost started to cry. Here I am...with my truck and house and job...struggling with tithing and she is literally giving some of her last dollars. I talked to a church member the other day who makes over $100,000 a year who told me it was difficult for them to tithe because it's just "so much money."

Shame on us.

I don't know this lady's story. Maybe she is crazy. Maybe she moves from town to town and takes money from church members. That does not matter. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor...and that means her. He also commanded us to give our tithe to Him FIRST...before coffee and books and itunes and food. FIRST. It will be a long time before I can see the offering plate go by without being reminded of those few dollars sitting in the bottom.

Calling His disciples to him, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, she has put more in the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything - all she had to live on." - Mark 12:43-44

Patsy Sue.

I always think of my Grandma Patsy at this time of year. She passed away on December 17, 2006, so it will be three years in a couple of weeks. When I think of success, she is one of the people who immediately comes to my mind. She was (is) one of my biggest role models. She never had much. She came from a broken home. She didn't know who her father was until she was in her 50s and he had already passed away. She was married to my Paw Paw for over 50 years when she died. She had six kids, 18 grandkids, and 2 (now 8) great grandkids. I remember one Christmas we were all together and she said the thing she was most proud of - was this room full of people...that a little girl with no father could grow up to be the mother and grandmother of 26 lives. To me - she was successful. She never had a 9:00-5:00 job. She never wrote a book or had her name on television, but her legacy will live on. She taught us that cooking is a way to show love; that you should never judge someone because of where they have been; that Jesus comes first.

This legacy lives on in her girls: my Aunt Charlotte - who counsels young mothers, makes anyone and everyone feel welcome in her home, and can make me laugh harder than almost anyone in the world. In my mama, who can make an amazing meal for 10 people for $5, who picks up smelly, dirty kids with no parents and brings them to church, who is strong and emotional and loves without condition. In my Aunt Tinker, who always has someone at her house who needs help...whether she is just letting them eat dinner, or live with them until they are back on their feet, whose strong hands work tirelessly. I hope and pray that this legacy continues to live in us - her grandchildren. I hope at the end of my life I can say I was half the woman those ladies are. I hope I can say I loved the unloveable...that I worried more about sitting down and laughing around a table of food with my family than I did about calories...that I was not afraid of hard work...that I never gave up praying for those who seemed completely lost.

We have a rich history...my brother and sisters and cousins and me. Not a history filled with fame and glory...but a history filled with hard working, honest, American families.

My real dreams have nothing to do with the type of house I have or how much money I make. My real dream? To keep those values strong. To raise children that feel the same way.

So here's to you Patsy Sue Whitley. May we live our lives in a way that will honor your legacy.

Emo girl.

I am a little overwhelmed lately...just very emotional. I find myself crying at least once a day and that is rare for me. I don't cry much...especially in front of people. I have just been coming in contact with so many emotional situations.

My precious Jade has a dear friend named Joe Houston (www.findjoeshouston.blogspot.com). He went missing on October 28. He was 29, a wonderful Christian man, and a navy pilot. His plane went down over the bay while doing a training exercise and after about three weeks of searching, they finally found his body last week. It just breaks my heart...to know that we are truly not promised tomorrow. Scripture tells us that; and I saw it evidenced so clearly in this situation. I cry for his fiancee, for his little boy, for his mama and Jade and all those who knew and loved him. I can't imagine.

My older sister Dixie has been married to her high-school sweetheart for eight years now, and the last four or five of those years they have spent trying to have a baby. She has had so many ups and downs...so many times when we thought this was it, when we felt sure God was telling us it was the time, only to be disappointed again and again. This week has been a beautiful week for her; just some progress made that gives us great hope, and that is emotional.

My friend and co-worker Luke was in a motorcycle accident this past weekend. He is okay...but had to have surgery on his knee, tore a thigh muscle, broke a finger and is just really banged up. It's scary...especially after hearing so much about Joe...to think that someone could just be here one day and gone the next. We never know. We never know how long we have here on Earth.

I've just been an emotional wreck...excited...scared...worried...sad...confused. But the beauty in all of these situations, even when they don't turn out the way we want or expect them to, is the HOPE present. I saw hope in the lives of Joe's searchers, his family, and his friends as they searched day in and day out for their sweet pilot. You would think that hope would be gone; with the news of this week; but it's still there. It's a different kind of hope I guess...not the hope that they will see him again here on Earth; that they will see his smile or hear his voice; but the hope...the assurance...that they will see him again one day...and that he is in the presence of his Savior. I see hope in Dixie and Steven...as they continue to trust that it is God's plan for them to be parents...and that it will happen...either through this or another avenue. Even with failure and disappointment they feel peace knowing that this is not the end of God's story for their lives. I see it in Luke...as he struggles to walk and sleep...but in spite of that, how he prayed a few mornings ago and praised God for his faithfulness; for his death on the cross; for his protection. All of us, including Luke, know it could have been much worse, and we have hope. We know that God is not done with Luke here. His plan does not include Luke being paralyzed or in a coma or unable to speak. Luke's story is still going on...God has a purpose for him...and I love to see that.

These situations bless my heart, the good and the bad, because I can apply that hope to my life. I can see how God is writing my personal story, and how things can change at any time. This moment - this day - was given to me as a gift from Him, and it is exactly what He wants for me. They teach me to treasure each moment; to know that God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts; to have hope when it seems hopeless. So hope in God! Know that He has a plan. Nothing surprises Him...and even when we can't see it we know that He does have a purpose...for EVERYTHING.

"But as for me, I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more." - Psalm 71:14

2 more things.

1) Go to this website: www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

2) Go see this movie:

You're welcome. :)

Father Abraham.

I heard something a long time ago and have been thinking about it a lot lately. A man was talking about Abraham in the Bible, and the story where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. Isaac was of course Abraham's only son...and the child that he waited for for so many years - God's promise fulfilled. We see in the story that God does not actually allow Abraham to sacrifice his son...He provides a ram at the last minute to sacrifice instead. I have always seen this as a test - God tested Abraham to see if he was willing to obey no matter what. But, here's what really hit me about what this particular teacher said: Abraham was being asked by God not only to sacrifice his son but his IDENTITY AS A FATHER. He wanted to be a father for so many years and by sacrificing Isaac he would sacrifice that dream; the hope of having descendants that outnumber the stars in the sky.

Maybe the point of this story is not just that we are willing to obey God; but more so, are we willing to sacrifice our very identity for Him?? The one thing that we have always wanted; that we have dreamed about and hoped for? Is God more important to us than that? He has to be number one...what we desire about ALL ELSE...even if what we desire is 'good' by the world's standards. The desire to be a parent or a spouse or to have a great job or even to do missions across the world are not bad desires...but God must come before those things in our hearts. We cannot let those things identify who we are. We must be children of God; servants of God first.

"Offer God an UNDIVIDED heart." - Beth Moore

I believe God is faithful; and that he will provide that ram for us in our lives. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that God wants us to be unhappy. But it does say, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind." I'm such a dreamer and I am often guilty of allowing my hopes and dreams to consume my thoughts and become first priority in my heart and life. My desire for a husband; for a little house and sweet babies must MUST be secondary. This is a constant struggle for me. I know that Christ is enough; that He is sufficient...but I have this underlying desire for other things. My heart knows He is enough...but I live my life in search of something more. I think this is why Scripture tells us we must die to ourselves DAILY.

And we know that God will provide exactly what we need exactly when we need it. It's really about trust isn't it? We must trust that He knows what is best for us. "He has made everything beautiful in HIS TIME." -Ecclesiastes 3:11a

Just something that's been on my mind.

In other news: Here is my bee costume!

Haha...I'm so in love with cotumes...and that is my first carved pumpkin ever! Crazy huh? I thought it was difficult. I have no idea why all my words are underlined right now. I'm going to stop typing now because it's annoying...oh technology. I do not always love you. :)))

Just Magical.

You know...I would like to say that I am a realistic 'adult' and that I know based on past experiences that real life is nothing like those silly books and movies. But somewhere deep inside of me I think there is still a little spark of that 10 year old Abby. I want so badly to believe that the elderly lady I meet at the store is actually British royalty, and no one knows about it. I want to believe that I will open my door and see the man  of my dreams standing in the rain holding flowers telling me that he has been waiting his whole life to find someone as amazing as me. I want to believe that on the other side of the ocean, there is a forest filled with creatures undiscovered by science.

And life, as dreary and realistic as it is, is filled with little bits of magic don't you think? God designed us to be dreamers; to be pilgrims in this land; people whose hearts long for something...MORE. 

I think there are little things in life that give us glimpses into the beautiful magic of our Creator. Haven't you ever had a moment like that? When you just stop and become aware of the fact that you are surrounded by beauty? 

I feel it when I hold a newborn baby for the first time. Especially now, after I have spent years beside my sister as she struggles with infertility. The fact that a child grew inside of you...a perfect mix of genes. It's amazing. How can you not look at that and be in awe? I feel it when I stand next to a group of girls holding flowers and see a bride walk down the aisle. Time freezes for just a moment and you see the miracle of it...that this lady and this man found each other...of everyone on Earth they found their perfect match and they are committing in front of others to love that person forever. It's magic. Get on a horse and let it run as fast as it can. Look up at the stars on a clear night. Stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Stand in the rain after a six month drought. Watch the flowers appear the next day. 

We are surrounded by little pieces of magic...and even on the worst of days...you can look around you and see this and have hope. Hope that there is something coming after this life that is so much more wonderful; beyond all that we can dream or imagine. And hope that life is still beautiful and maybe our dreams aren't out of reach. 

Maybe magic is real...and miracles are happening all around us.

What a lovely thought.

Here's Hoping...

You can pretty much bet that when I start listing things I'm grateful for in my life it's because I'm EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED and trying to be optimistic. Other 'clues': I blare Pat Green music because it makes me feel better...I drink lots of Dr. Pepper, like ridiculous amounts...I don't talk...I watch back to back episodes of Gilmore Girls...I drive somewhere (like the beach) and don't tell anyone where I'm going or answer my phone. Just some clues for you...in case you ever wonder where I am...or why I am drinking my fourth 44oz Dr. Pepper in one day. Haha. Wow I should really work on my coping skills.

ANYWAYS, instead of whining and being completely emo (like I have been for no apparent reason this entire week), I've decided to list out things I love in my life right now. It's like therapy for me; always makes me feel less pessimistic. Here it goes:

I love that Farica and Jordan come over once a week and we eat and talk and watch cheesy VHS movies...I love that Bobby is helping me with the youth class at church...I love that my sweet youth kids trust me enough to ask for advice...I love that I carved my first pumpkin ever last night...I love that my sweet brother mows my grass and helps me move things and doesn't complain...I love that my mama always tells me I'm pretty...I love that my electricity bill is so low...I love that I have certain nights of the week now where I can do anything I want, which usually equals a whole bunch of nothing...I love that even though I'm three years out of college I can still sleep until noon on Saturdays...I love that I have a treadmill to run on...I love the weather lately...I love that I always know the heart of God, even when I don't know the mind of God...I love that I have amazing friends who call me and pray for me and love me even though I pretty much suck at staying in touch...I love sweet babies, and the fact that they make me smile no matter how bad my day is...and the reining champion: I love the fact that there is always hope. I see hope all around me....and I pity those who do not have it. Our hope endures right? It endures pain and heartache and frustration and confusion. Hope endures.

Yep. See? I feel better already.

Queen of the Road

I had such a great time being back at ETBU and visiting the sisters. Here are a few pics from the trip:

Being back at my alma mater always makes me a little emo/nostalgic. I am envious of college kids and the life they live. No one cares what you are doing with your life in college - you're in college! You get to wear hoodies and take naps and sit under trees and play the guitar. It's such a fun fun time. It's like for four years time is just frozen. No one expects you to have a major life plan or questions why you are single. I know I had frustrating experiences there, and I'm grateful that I'm done having homework...but honestly, I understand why some people go to college for eight years. It's like building a shield around yourself. No one can question what you are doing. "I'm going to college right now...check back with me in a couple of years." 

I think I also have some type of crush on the open road. I love love LOVE roadtrips. I have the urge about once a month to just get in my truck and drive ANYWHERE...just drive and drive and drive; especially when the weather is lovely like it has been lately. I want to roll down my windows, turn up the music and drive. I want to stop on the side of the road at random stands and buy homemade jelly and watermelons and old furniture. I want to turn off my cell phone and go somewhere where no one knows my name; a place where no one expects me to answer questions or plan an event or wash dishes. You give me my ipod, a tank of gas and a Dr. Pepper with crushed ice and I am good to go. Woo...I can’t even talk about it. I get too excited. Haha...pretty sure the next road trip for me won’t happen until January when I head to Dallas for my sweet sweet friend Angie’s wedding. Let the countdown begin! :)

You will also be happy to know that the Webb fam is going on our first annual WEBB CAMPING TRIP in March! Oh my gosh. I’m excited. We are headed to Arkansas for a week...Dad, Mom, Dixie & Steven, Glory & Dustin, Galilee, Nathan, Cana and of course, yours truly. I have been wanting to go on vacation all together for one hundred years but this year we’re actually making it happen. I think it will be great fun and something we can continue to do as we add to the family with spouses and babies...hooray! It will be so amazing for us to be able to hang out other than the holidays – when we are always so frazzled and rushed. Talk about a roadtrip! Come quickly March. :)

November is coming soon and will be filled with a big A.C.S. fundraiser, Thanksgiving parties, a Fall Festival, baked goods and family visits. I do love this sweet month and it’s pumpkin goodness. I have an overwhelming urge to fill my house to the brim with candles that smell like autumn spices and bake pies until I can’t see my counter...Mmmm. :)

One.

I'm really really REALLY tired of being alone. I know Jesus is with me...and I'm sooo glad. I talk to Him out loud all the time like He's just standing right there next to me. I'm actually having to work on NOT talking out loud to Jesus in public places for fear of people thinking I'm schizophrenic. But that's beside the point. The point is I need someone to talk to! Things have been really quiet at work so I feel like I just sit in the office and work from 8:30-5:00 and then drive a block away to my house and just hang out by myself until it's time to go to sleep.

Aaaahhhh.

I like being alone sometimes but I mean, I'm running out of options here. I read, I play the guitar, I run, I'm learning to cook, I write, I have organized and cleaned the entire house, I have refinished my furniture, I watch TV, I talk to my fish. I would like to (no, actually I must) save money on gas. Town is 45 minutes away so it's not like I can just run over there. My laptop is broken and cell phone service is terrible at my house. Things are just getting really LAME. Is it 1912? At least then it took them longer to make dinner because they had to kill the chicken themselves. I have no money, I'm in the middle of nowhere and last night I fell asleep watching Bonanza. Oh no.

Everyone says, "it's so nice that you are your own person...you have freedom!" I'm done with freedom. I want someone to talk to at night...someone to eat my food and tell me if it's awful...someone to help me hang pictures straight. Do you know how hard it is to hang a collage of picture frames by yourself?? Give me a break.

Lame lame lame.

My gosh. I have GOT to get outside. I'm feeling crazy...sitting in the office...then going home...running on the treadmill, eating, playing guitar, reading. I'm not one of those people who can just stay inside. I think I spent too much time outside as a child. I can sit outside all day and feel fine but sitting inside? Not for me.

Because I'm such a sunshine girl, I'm pretty grateful for where I live. No, it's not the most beautiful place in the world...but I'm across the road from the lake and it's warm 9 months out of the year. It works:)))

I get made fun of a lot for being...what's the word? Homely? No...um...rustic maybe...haha. I don't know. I'm just a big oxymoron. I love sparkles and glitter and pink but I also love being outside in the dirt. I like getting dressed up, but if I could wear anything forever it would be an old pair of jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. I have a truck...that looks like this:

...and it's ridiculous how much I love it. I know that is weird/lame...but I wanted a truck since I was a little girl. I drove piece of junk cars in high school and college, and my truck was the first big thing I purchased on my own. The first thing that was all mine. In three years I have put 75,000 miles on it. I have moved twice, taken probably 10 roadtrips, hauled siblings and friends and furniture and random junk. I just love it. I try to talk myself into buying a car or even an SUV, but I just don't want one. My sisters tell me that guys will be intimidated by it, my co-workers try to convince me that I need something with better gas mileage....

One of these days, I'll probably grow up and buy a car and stop embracing my hidden rebellious, truck driving streak:))) BUT, until then, I'm thinking about something like this:

How can you not think that's beautiful?? What are you, crazy? Seriously. :)

Birthday Smirthday.

Great times were had by all at the celebration of the big 2-5. I just had a little party with the family. I was thinking about having a big EGSTRAVAGANZA if you will but I decided I didn't really want to be overwhelmingly cute and charming...plus I have two fridges right now (long story)....anyways, I just wanted to hang out with the fam and it was great. I got a fish. You may call him Charles. I also got lots of other neat things and I feel extremely loved. I have so many sweet friends who called and sent things and posted comments on my facebook wall. I just feel very grateful to be where I am.

Now it's back to real life and crazy-ness. I have a school board meeting, mom's birthday, movie night with the girls, and a college fair for ETBU on the agenda for this week, as well as work (getting ready for sr. adult camp next week: AAAAAHHHH), and dogsitting for the ever precious Neches:) I'm such a busy bee - can't stand to sit still. It's a problem. 

I will have to post some pics on here of my current furniture projects. I painted an old chair hot pink the other day, painted and distressed a little table, and I'm working on finishing my craigslist dresser...because who doesn't love a sweet pink dresser?? I know I do! One of my b-day presents was a handheld sander and as nerdy as that is, I'm really excited about it! Sanding by hand is not fun. Hooray sister! Thank you for looking past my ridiculousness and getting me a gift that I will really put to use. :)

My amiga Aubrey is having a pumpkin party next month - complete with costumes and pumpkin carving. I'm thinking about going as a bumblebee...is this a good idea?? I don't want to be a pre-schooler...but I'm thinking black tights, a yellow dress or shirt from goodwill painted with black stripes and a headband/pipe cleaner set of antannaes?? Knowing me there will also definitely end up being an abundance of glitter somewhere. Hehe.

Speaking of pre-schoolers, my baby Balbina (who I support through World Vision) sent me a new pic today. She is BEAUTIFUL!  4 years old now and in Kindergarten. I can't believe it! I adopted her two years ago and she has changed so much. I'm so excited to see her and hear that she is doing well. I wish I could adopt 435,000 of those little babies. Sweet little angels.

And lastly, from the randomness of my head, do you ever wonder where the line is between what God wants and what you want? Like, if something doesn't seem to be working, is that God's will and should I just let it go? Or, does He simply want me to do more; try harder? I have a difficult time with that...just deciding when to let go and when to keep fighting. It's a frustrating place to be. But I'm learning to be thankful...even during the frustrating times...because I have so much for which to be grateful...and because I know I will be able to look back and see that I learned something from this experience. I just can't see it at this very moment....

Alright...I'm just rambling now...hope you are all having a beautiful week!

To everything there is a season.

Today is beautiful. The weather is changing...moving us towards the glorious autumn season. Four times a year, when I feel the wind change and see nature respond, I think about life, and how it is so similar to these patterns we see around us. Shakespeare and many other great poets and writers talk about this idea often in their writings. The idea that our lives mirror nature's four seasons.

There is Spring - or birth. The beautiful time when everything is new; when we are seeing everything for the very first time. Then there is Summer - our youth - the carefree, breezy, wonderful time where our worries are few and the days are long. Autumn represents older adulthood. Things are slowing down, and shedding their summer leaves and blossoms. Winter is an ending; a beautiful quiet finale. I love this idea. Partially because I love nature so much I guess. 

I worry about aging. I think we all do. I'm turning 25 this week, and every birthday I automatically overanalyze my life. Where am I right now? Where did I want to be at this age? I am moving out of my youth/college years and into my mid-twenties. Where did the time go?! As a little girl thinking of myself at age 25, I envisioned marriage and babies and many things that I do not see in front of me. But today, as I walked in the last of the summer sunshine and felt the cool autumn breeze on my face, God spoke to me: "Enjoy the season." Don't look back at the Spring or beginning of Summer. See the beauty in where you are right now. THIS season. And it's beautiful. I am walking my road, living my story, and I know this is what my Author wrote for me...there is nothing better than being right here with Him - watching it unfold.

So embrace the season you are in - metaphorically and literally. Love life! Love the people around you without question. Take chances. Eat caramel apples. Make pumpkin pie. Be thankful. Choose to see the beauty in the present.

I wonder...

...how some girls end up doing 'cute' things. Like, how do you learn to sneeze "cute"?? When I sneeze it's like a category four twister. Was that your tiny little sneeze just then random girl? I didn't even hear it.

...why there are still people who are completely ignorant about the people around them? People judge people entirely based on looks without even getting to know them. Really? Let's move on. Look at who Jesus spent His time with. He loves them. HE. LOVES. THEM.

...if I will ever work up the courage to play my guitar in front of someone not related to me:)))

...what I want to do with my life. Overgeneralizations anyone?? :)

...where I can get a Dr. Pepper for free right now...hahahaha.

...what people say about me when I'm not around.

...what I will do for my birthday this week!!

...if you had told me when I was sixteen that I would be where I am right now at twenty-four, if I would have believed you.

...why God chooses to love me and protect me when there are so many less fortunate.

...why I'm sitting at the computer and typing this blog when I should be running or paying bills. :)

...if you have read this blog post? http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/06/550-surviving-church-as-single.html Please go read it. This is my life. No joke. My life. I can't believe this guy read my mind.

...if people really mean what they say.

...about WAY too many things to type them all out right now.

Raise your hand if your excited about lists!

Top ten things I absolutely love right now:

1. The book, "Same Kind of Different as me". What a great story!
2. This website: www.younghouselove.com. Adorable. adorable.
3. Buying old furniture and repainting it. What? You want $10 for that chair on craiglist so that I can spray paint it hot pink and smile every time I walk by it? Deal.
4. Enchanted Petals body spray from Victoria's Secret. Smells like love. :)
5. Mutemath's new CD. Perfect running music.
6. "Intervention" on A&E - beautiful, tragic, real life.
7. My treadmill. Instead of sitting and watching TV for an hour I jog and watch TV for an hour. Goodbye calories. :)
8. Agaci (the store) - cute, inexpensive stuff.
9. The fall! The cooler weather this week inspired me to buy little pumpkins.
10. The song, "Just Dance" by Gary Go. Yep. The "Just Dance" Lady Gaga sings...but way WAY cooler.

Top ten things that make me want to poke myself in the eye right now:

1. Waking up early. I don't think this will ever change. :/
2. The Kardashians. I mean, change your name to something that doesn't start with a 'k'. Harsh? Sorry:)
3. That new 'Beergut' song on country radio. I love you country but really? It's uncalled for.
4. The way it is ALWAYS cold in the office. Can't type...my fingers are numb.
5. DIET SODA. All of it. Every kind ever made. I think I will always feel this way.
6. Stray dogs. I want them to be loved. They need a home. It's upsetting.
7. The fact that even when I run a lot and am constantly hungry I can't fit into my jeans from college.
8. Boys - in general. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're a nice boy. I'll probably feel different next week...but this is a current list...and that is currently how I feel.
9. The lack of rain. The lake looks terrible! Do I have grass? I'm not sure. Come on rain. Come on come on.
10. Cheesy status' (statuses??). There I said it. Let's not be dramatic here. It's an online status. Please do not *sigh* twice a week.

Uh oh. I don't know if that second list was necessary. I'm pretty sure I'm just a little moody because it's Wednesday....and I'm hungry...things don't go well when I'm hungry...

ALSO, I am fully aware of the fact that the good in my life definitely outweighs the bad! Definitely...

This morning before I put on my makeup I just stared at my face in the mirror for a while. Don't pretend you haven't done it. I know you have. :) Anyways, I of course started getting frustrated. What is with my nose? Has it always been this huge? I mean...where are my cheekbones? Do I have any? These phrases started slipping into my mind - consuming my thoughts like some kind of poison. I thought back to times in my life when people have made comments about my appearance. Most of these times I don't think they were even aware that they were hurting my feelings...and it has literally been YEARS...but the thoughts have stayed with me. I can still hear them in my mind:

"You know you would be really pretty if your skin cleared up."

"What size is that dress? Oh wow. That's a big 5."

Okay, this is not a "let's all feel sorry for Abby post". I know we all struggle with things; and I know I am perfect in the eyes of God - His chosen. This just made me think about the things we say to people. Do we even know what kind of effect we have on them? Maybe they are already struggling with something and we candidly joke about or point it out. Our tongues are powerful.

I was just convicted this morning to be on guard. You never know how your words will affect those around you. We should be lifting up and encouraging everyone we come in contact with. I'm so guilty of making jokes at others' expense and the fact that it's funny doesn't make it right.

James 3:8 - "But nobody can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil; full of deadly poison."

Home Sweet Inexpensive Home....:)

I spend large amounts of time looking at lovely pictures of houses...and then trying to figure out ways I can make my house look like that for a small amount of money (or free:)

I've decided my house can be completely girly at this point...since I'm the only one living there. Here are some pics I've been drooling over:

Fresh flowers on the table everyday? Yes please. :)

Okay, my bathroom will NEVER look like this but a girl can dream right?? :)

Sweet girly little bedroom...

And here's my little livingroom. I'm workin' on it. :)

I would like to take this time to mention that my birthday is coming up next month. *cough cough* this rug would look PERFECT in my livingroom don't you think?? Haha...

So Long Sweet Summer....

Let's see...I haven't posted anything in a while! We have had an amazing summer. I honestly can't say enough about our beautiful summer staff. We have been working over the past three years to build up a staff that truly sees working at Zephyr as a ministry and not just a summer job. This year I think we actually accomplished that. They have been so extremely selfless. They just get things done - without complaining - and most importantly, they have chosen to go out of their way to make an impact on the campers spending time here. Lives have been changed because of them and I feel blessed to have spent these three months with them! I will miss them a lot, but know it is time for them to go back to their respective schools, communities and jobs.

I always have a difficult time with August. I'm ready for things to slow down and to get back to some kind of routine in my life, but I really miss the staff.

I have been encouraged lately by Psalm One. I memorized this chapter in kindergarten so I've known it for many years, but I have been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks about trees. In that chapter, it says that a blessed man will be like a tree planted by streams of water. I didn't ever think I would move back to South Texas, and it is so much different than my college years. I really miss the Christian fellowship at ETBU. There were so many people my age. God is reminding me that if He has me somewhere for a purpose, He will provide "streams of water" for me in that place. He will provide ministries for me to be involved in, and other Christians to encourage me in my walk. Yes, these 'streams' look different than they did three years ago, but He will not leave me without them. Psalms says God can provide rivers in the desert! Surely if He can do that He can provide streams for me in South Texas. :)

Me and the sister had amazing fun in Dallas this past week. I now have a mild obsession with Thai food. I also really don't understand why there can't be a trendy coffee shop within thirty miles of where I live. They are everywhere there! I'm pretty proud of the fact that I drove around without getting in a wreck or a severe case of road rage. I'm also wondering if maybe someone could come over every day and make up my bed like they did at the hotel. Haha...I don't think that trip was good for me actually. It made me just a little more high maintenance. :) I had a really great time. I love my sister to pieces and haven't spent time with just her in a while. You know, the more time I spend with other people, the more I realize that I just adore my family. Is that embarrassing? Whatever. It's true.

What should I do for my 25th birthday??!! It's coming up next month and I want to do something memorable...but I don't have that much cash....might be a problem....:) Any suggestions??

The Soundtrack.

I was watching a movie the other day and I started thinking about the amazing music that plays in the background of films. It just makes the moment don't you think? It made me think about those "movie moments" in my life. You know the moments....when time seems to stand still and you can almost hear music playing in the background. For example:

When I was seven my best friend Terran moved to Houston. I remember standing in my driveway as they drove away...watching her car disappear and knowing in my little heart that things would never be the same between us.

I remember sitting around a campfire at the lake with my friends and looking up and meeting eyes with the boy I liked at the time. That was the moment...when I knew that he felt the same way about me.

A few months before my grandma died I was at the nursing home laying in her bed with her. She had Alzheimers and even though I saw her pretty often, she did not remember who I was. I remember looking in her eyes on this particular day and for just a minute, I could tell that she knew who I was, and that she understood what I was saying.

Have you ever felt that way? Maybe for you it was the day you left for college or saw your wife walking down the aisle towards you...maybe it was the day Jesus saved you...or the moment you realized that what you were doing was what you were meant to do...

These are the moments...these and hundreds and thousands more.....little pictures in our minds that are pieced together to make us who we are today...to write our story.

So may the soundtrack continue to play...may we never forget to stop and listen.

Manna...

Tonight I listened to a guy speak on Psalm 90...he mentioned something while he was speaking and it really hit me. It wasn't so much the point of the message; but I guess I had just never thought of it before.

When the Israelites were in the desert...travelling towards the promised land...God gave them manna (food from Heaven). They would gather it every morning. Tonight the speaker mentioned that God only gave them enough manna for that. particular. day. The only time He gave them more was the day before the Sabbath - when there was enough for two days. I have heard this before. I knew it. It just never resounded in me like it did tonight.

GOD PROVIDES FOR US.

Financially, emotionally, physically....He gives us what we need. Not necessarily more than we need....but exactly what we need...right then. I struggle with tithing. It seems like I'm barely making it most of the time financially; but honestly....when I tithe - first - before I spend money on other things, God provides. He really really does. It's not dramatic...just a few dollars here and there but it works out. He takes care of me.

What does this mean? It's simple. We can trust God. In every situation He will provide. He's faithful. When God says something He doesn't just say it. He will take care of us. So for me...in my personal life...when I feel like I CANNOT possibly make it through another week of camp...when I feel like I'll never meet the perfect person to spend my life with and be my baby daddy (haha...sorry I just wanted to write that word on my blog:)...when I feel like I can't afford to buy the things I think I 'need'....God will provide. HE WILL PROVIDE. In His timing; not mine.

I can trust Him fully. He keeps His promises. He is always sufficient. Always. That's some good stuff.

*Disclaimer*

Okay, I just realized that anyone who is reading my blog right now probably thinks I'm one of those people who never stops talking. I don't talk THAT MUCH. I just have a lot to say lately. Haha...just a sidenote. :)

Prepare yourself for some randomness...

Let's see....re-cap on Abby's life lately:

Work is going well. Summer is just a really tough time for me. I love being at camp...there is just so so much to do. I feel like I'll never get caught up...then all of the sudden it is over and the place is quiet and I miss the crazy-ness. Shaune did ask me to speak at "Girl's Night" this year during the three youth camps we host. This means that I get to talk to 200-400 girls about what it means to live a life of boldness for God. When he first asked me I was SO NERVOUS! But...Thursday was my second one and while I'm sure I made mistakes; overall it hasn't been so bad. I am my own worse critic so of course I think about all that I could do better - but both nights girls have come up to me and told me that something I said made a difference to them - and that is what really matters. It has been a good experience - although I'm not sure I ever want to do it again...haha. I think I might be more of a small group leader. :)

Pretty much all of my free time has been consumed with camp activities. I am a big fan of our staff this year and have really loved getting to know them. I'm happy to have the college sister home. It's been fun hanging out with her. I'm trying to spend time outside as often as I can. I love the summetime. I try to go to the lake or beach every chance I get.

Okay, random thoughts from my head: I am discovering a newfound love for coffee....Favorite movie right now: "He's Just Not That Into You"...I'm basically obsessed with pandora.com radio...I'm not good at making cookies from scratch...I adore Sunday afternoon naps...I'm really really tired of people trying to set me up with their nephew/grandson/random man on the street....I wish I was tan....I like my new swimsuit...I need to figure out a way to get a boat...I met my random neighbor the other day; she was super nice but my dad thought she was a man so that was super embarrassing...I've been eating popcorn every night...my friend's new baby Jude is insanely beautiful...I like my mac computer at work but I don't really know how to use it...I like having people over to my house; but wish I could never wash dishes again...I would really like it if a professional landscaper came over to my house and laid carpet grass with no stickers - enough to cover my whole yard - for free...I love my family - seriously - they are real cool...I'm confused about a lot of things in my life...I wish I had enough money to have pedicures all the time...I cried during the movie "Up" - yeah, it's a cartoon...I got to sit in the back of a service on Wednesday night and see 52 kids get saved at camp and know that I was a part of that...I get a free Dr. Pepper every day from the Snack Shack...I'm not always happy but I always have joy...

Okay, that is DEFINITELY enough rambling for today. Congratulations on making it through that blog readers :)

I am frustrated lately. 

Something my pastor used to say keeps coming to my mind: "There is only one question...Is God Enough? And the answer is ALWAYS yes."

If we have nothing else; we have enough. He is sufficient. 

Not God plus extra money....not God plus better legs....not God plus more time or less heartache.

Just Him. 

*sigh*

Good to know.

Sweet Summertime?

Summer's coming! I am not sure if I am ready...honestly? Just not sure. But do you think summer cares about that? Nope. It's coming anyway. I love Summer weather. I love how camp is so alive. I love having more staff around. However, the 2,800 camper names I need to enter? Not quite ready for that. The earlier mornings? Not. Ready. The lack of time off? Nope.

I'm working on it....:)

Also, I kind of wish East Texas was about six hours closer. There seems to be quite a few good things going on in East Texas. Can someone just move that a little closer please? Thanks so much. :D

I struggle to see the good in things sometimes. I try to be positive but every now and then I just feel sad.

Last week the pastor of our church 'passed on' (as we are choosing to say). It was unexpected and he left behind a wife, three daughters and sons in law and one son and daughter in law. He also left nine grandchildren; two of which have not yet been born. It was such a shock and is still very hard to believe. I know he is happy now - and with Jesus. I just feel sad for his sweet family. I feel sad for the church and the heaviness that is present there.

YET, I have decided to see the beauty in all situations; to embrace the love that is there - even when it is difficult to see. Yesterday, at his funeral, I saw a large amount of sadness...but I also saw beauty. I saw hope.

In the eyes of his son, speaking so passionately of his father's love...and being strong for his mother and sisters.

In the faces of his seven sweet grandchildren as they released brightly colored balloons into the sky and sang "I'll Fly Away"

In the voices of his daughters - singing "Because He Lives" and making it all the way through without crying - because they know that is what he would have wanted.

In the shaky hands of a young man he mentored - scared to speak in public but standing boldly on stage and telling us of the respect he had for this great man.

Sadness...yes...but beauty still. Laughter and tears.

I am so much more aware now of the time I spend with those that I love. Every day could be our last...every conversation our final conversation. Life is fleeting. We should embrace it! Embrace this crazy, beautiful, awful, amazing, fleeting life.

List Time!

I have been made fun of in the past for the number of bulleted lists I put on my blog...and you know what? I totally don't care. I'm in love with lists.

I know you're excited.

Here is a list of the ten things I'm currently into:

• There is a new radio station here in the Corpus Christi area that I can't stop listening to...94.7....it's classic rock, texas country, americana music. Mmmm....
• The gas station in o.g. which is basically the number one hang out...sells these kolaches in the morning and yes, I know they are from a gas station but they are KILLER. Can we talk about sausage and melted cheese and jalapenos wrapped up in a big piece of bread/roll? It's love.
• This blog: www.stylemepretty.com...I can look at wedding pictures forever. I don't know. Go ahead. Make fun of me. I just love how they express the couple's personality and are a representation of their story...their love. The cuteness is overwhelming.
• Big, $5 sunglasses.
  
• Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry. A step up from regular diet soda I must say...and I am a Dr. Pepper conossieur. :)
• Bluegrass music. I don't get tired of listening to it lately. Alison Krauss and Nickel Creek mostly.
• Staying up too late talking and being tired the next day.
  
• My new business cards. They're pink. That's right. I didn't think they made them in pink but then the boys surprised me...so fabulous.
  
• My jean jacket. I don't really know if jean jackets are cool anymore...but I've been wearing that thing out.
• The approaching summer. The days are getting long. The sun is shining. Bring it on.

I know you have all been anxiously awaiting that list...the millions of you who lay awake at night wondering what kind of amazingness will be revealed on my awe-inspiring blog. Haha. Anyways, there it is. I always feel better after I put to words the good things in my life. They definitely outweigh the bad.

I promise to post some pics soon...and by soon I mean before August. :)

I am reading J.R.R. Tolkien for the first time and I have to say, I'm a fan. I have just never read anything by him - not for a specific reason - just because I've never taken the time to do it. I've never seen the movies either so it is a whole new world. :) It's funny; I vary between extremes with fantasy/fiction writing. The practical reasonable side of me thinks some of it is a little hard to believe. I find myself thinking, "why are trees talking right now? Like that would ever happen." BUT, the little dreamer deep inside me secretly loves being able to escape to a world of great adventure and mystery. It's fun to get lost in the beautiful imagery sometimes. I'm excited to finish the first book and get started on the others!

In other news, summer is coming up soon...wow....it seems like there is so much to do. I'm really looking forward to it but I'm nervous at the same time. Our summer staff are shaping up to be pretty amazing so it should be fabulous.

I've just been really happy lately. I know there is tons to do before summer and my hair is an awkward length and I don't feel well and I keep gaining weight even though I have been hungry for three weeks but for some reason: I just don't care! I'm happy about life right now. The hair will grow out...I'm still wearing the same size of jeans...I feel better than I did last week...I don't have the swine flu...everything is going to be fine. I sang at a funeral this past week and being in that situation always serves to remind me that life is not about whether or not we had great legs; it's not about how much money we made...it is about the LIVES WE TOUCH; the ones we love; the legacy we leave behind. That's what counts. Everything else is just stuff.

I've been thinking a lot lately about people and how we relate to one another. This is one of the things that really fascinates me. I love knowing people; really knowing them. I guess this stems from my love of story. For as long as I can remember, I have been enamored by good stories...not a certain type of story but rather, the story itself.

Lately I have noticed, how much people just want to be needed. I see this in my life - a desire to be used; to be important; to be valued. But I have seen it so clearly in the lives of those who life seemingly has little purpose. I feel like everyone just wants to know they are part of something bigger than themselves; that someone will miss them when they are gone. I have become increasingly aware of this lately. I see it in their faces: the former drug dealer selling candy bars in the Walmart parking lot to raise money for those like himself; the elderly man who pours his heart into volunteer work, but never hears from his son or daughter; the handicapped woman who sweeps floors at McDonalds. I believe that this desire is instilled inside all of us.

I have also become increasingly aware of the fact that most everyone - regardless of what they say - would choose love over money. I thought about this while I was watching the movie "Slumdog Millionaire." I am certain of the fact that the main character would have chosen to be with the person he loved over the money he won at any point without hesitation. One of my friends who is very well off, recently told me that she would absolutely give up her lovely cars and house in an instant to be living again in a tiny rent house, where she was much more certain of her husband's love. Money doesn't love you back...and I feel like there are so many of us who spend all of our time trying to earn money; to climb the corporate ladder; when in actuality, we should be spending that time just loving those around us.

When I was a little girl I would make up fictional stories about people I saw in restaurants and in parking lots. I would wonder what their life was like, and if they were much different than me. I guess part of the reason I love meeting new people is that hearing their stories makes me think about where I am and where I want to be.

So here's to the stories...who teach us, not only about those living them, but about ourselves.

Sunshine on my shoulders...

Today I was off of work and I sat at the lake. All. day. You have no idea how much I love that.

I have so much to do all the time. My truck is 2,000 miles over needing an oil change. I haven't paid my bills. My grass needs to be mowed. But today I didn't think about that. I didn't stress and worry. I just sat there. I sat in the sun and read and slept. It was so amazing.

I feel closest to God when I am outside...like I can feel Him standing next to me...whispering in my ear. And today...on this holiest of days...the day when the God of Creation sent His son to die for my sins....I felt like it was very fitting for me to glory in that Creation. I know that I wouldn't be here without Him. I would be nothing. I don't deserve what He did for me; but I'm so grateful.

Sometimes I just love to shut out those other voices and focus in on who He is and who I am. How can you do that and not be in awe? It's overwhelming. I pray that for you today...that you take time - even if it is just a moment - to reflect on that fact. The God of this world sent his only son to this Earth to die. And he would have done it for ONLY YOU.

Hosanna...

Flower Picker for Hire.

I am what some people would call a very simple girl. Actually, I don't know if simple is the word for it. It's more like 'old-school'. You see, I have these urges pretty often to throw my cell phone into a river and drive...just drive anywhere. Twenty years ago we could not get in touch with someone EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY and we were fine. We survived. I would pretty much always enjoy sitting in a field of flowers; with no responsibility at all. No phone calls. No messages. No one telling me to wake up early or explain something.

Okay, I understand that this is not logical. I have to wake up early and go to work and make money. I have to pay my bills. I know I can't sit in a meadow all day with deer and birds. But hey...a girl can dream right?

What happened to Spring Break??

Wow. My posts have been deep and a little depressing lately. Sorry about that....I guess I've been a little emo. I've just had a lot going on.

This weekend I traveled to my friend Jodie's precious wedding. I was a bridesmaid. I must say, I definitely have some bridesmaid experience. If you are looking for a bridesmaid who knows what's up, I'm your girl. Give me a call. I probably already have a dress that matches your color scheme:)

It was a lovely wedding. I cried (of course). I always always cry at weddings when the bride is walking down the aisle. It's a guarantee. You can bet on it. It's just so magical, I can't help it. Even if everything turns out terribly, for this one day, these two people are wonderfully and infinitely happy....and that is just so nice to see. It makes you think there is still good in this nasty world. Okay, I'm getting sidetracked.

The question I have been meaning to ask is, "what happened to spring break?" Grown up life with a real job is not always fun. Where are the naps? Where are the breaks where you just sit around and get a tan? Those days almost seem like a dream now. *sigh*

But we have a purpose right?! We are here for a reason and I am happy to have a job that I love. I would just like to mention that two hours in the afternoon for employee naps is really not a bad idea. I think there are very few people who would complain if that were part of company policy:)

Busy busy bee.

I am increasingly aware of how busy I am on a regular basis. It's pretty ridiculous. I have these 'tendencies' for lack of a better word. I 'tend' to volunteer for EVERYTHING. If there is something going on and no one is stepping up and I have any free time at all - I will absolutely take over. I have been over-committed for as long as I can remember. It probably began in junior high when I stopped being shy and started being the crazy independent girl I am today. I feel like I can't say no. I know that I should. I know that I need some time to myself, I know that I could do less things and do them well.

I also know there is therapy for this type of thing...:)

The point is: I am going to have to give some things up soon. I am pretty much stressed out constantly and honestly, it's wearing on me. I want to help; I guess I have an underlying desire to be needed. Lately, God is teaching me that this is a selfish thought. God does not NEED me to accomplish His purpose for a particular group or ministry. He chooses to use me, but He desires obedience...above all else. If I feel He is moving me from a certain place, I must be obedient, regardless of my fears.

And honestly? I'm tired...tired of doing things because I 'should'. I want to do things because God has put a passion for those things in my heart; not because I feel like other people expect me to. Paul puts it this way: "For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ." - Galatians 1:10

Now if only it were as easy to do something as it is to talk about it...:)

Yellow Jumpsuit.

The title for this blog originated from a feeling I have today. I want to put on a bright yellow jumpsuit and just lay down on a speed bump. See I would blend in with the speed bump that way and then people can RUN ME OVER. I had to be very honest yesterday with someone I really care about and I feel terrible.

The thing is, I know I did the right thing. I had peace from God and clarity about the whole situation, but that doesn't mean it was easy. I just wish we could all be on the same page all the time...like, if God tells me something He would tell you that exact thing. That is not always how it happens. I have this weird feeling today. I mean, I am proud of myself for following God - for doing what He asked of me - but I also feel awful.

Why can't I be one of those super hard-core girls who 'tells it like it is'? Granted I can be that way from time to time but for the most part I'm a total softy. I just hate to see people hurting; I hate to see them sad...and if that sadness or pain is a result of something I did? Ugh. I feel like throwing up.

I keep telling myself that God's vision is different than my daydreams. God does not always do what we want Him to do...and He doesn't do things in our time; He does things in His time. I have to rest in the fact that He knows better than me...and all I can do is trust Him.

But at least I can have the yellow jumpsuit as a back-up plan. :)

Our Hope Endures.

How do we comprehend peace within pain?

This question has been on my heart and mind for the past couple of days.

I have been following the blog of a young family who just lost their three year old boy to leukemia. Their struggle has been so real to me - even though I have never actually met them. Things like this just make me nervous. I get so scared sometimes, because I have been so blessed in this life. I'm afraid that something terrible may happen. I know that God gives us grace when we need it, and will not give us more than we can handle, I'm just afraid of the things that can happen.

Here are people who seem to do everything right. They love God, they serve Him, and this terrible tragedy happens. While I do believe that they can find peace within this pain, it's frightening. I have a family member who is going through the biggest struggle of her life. She followed the rules, and yet, here she stands, not understanding how her life got to the place where it is. It's just scary. I understand that everyone suffers - and that we need to be tested, to strengthen our faith.

I struggle with worry...always have. One of my constant prayers is that God would give me peace. Give me peace, give me peace.

I heard a song this morning by Natalie Grant called "Our Hope Endures." What a beautiful song.

"We never walk alone. This is our hope." Praise God we have more than optimism! We have hope in this life...hope for something better. Let the earth quake, our hope is unchanged.

Plants, fish and 1980's prom dresses.

Here is a picture of my dress from the Tacky Formal as promised. My camera died so I didn't get as many pics as I wanted to but you can see it nonetheless. Sara is looking fabulous as always don't you think? :) And yes, I did make that tacky balloon arch - my first ever. Hold your applause.

We had so much fun. It was sooo amazing to see the staff again and have GIRLS around! Yay girls...I have been spending a little too much time with boys here lately.

In other news, I went to the Pet Store on Friday to get my precious Dad a fish for his birthday. He's been wanting this particular fish for about six months so I thought it was about time. While I was there I started thinking to myself, "I should get some kind of pet. I need something to talk to." I had my arms all loaded down with a turtle and turtle accessories when I started freaking out. The book said I needed to feed it twice a day. What if I was out of town and no one fed my turtle and he died and it was my fault??! Talk about commitment issues. I bought a plant:)