Emmanuel.

I'm very emotional lately. What's new right? :) But the Christmas season just makes me want to cry all the time. I don't know what it is. It was our first Christmas with these guys...



...and it was a beautiful celebration of God's goodness. Amazing to think that one year ago my sister found out she was pregnant after all those years of waiting. Also, COULD THEY BE ANY CUTER?! I don't think so. I love them so much. I can't imagine seeing them grow up. I'll start crying again thinking about it. I bought them their first books from Aunt Abby. I hope they love to read as much as I do...even if they don't I will read with them until they can choose to do something different. :)

And Christmas is such a magical, breathtaking day isn't it? I was driving home the other night from shopping on a beautiful cold, clear night and the sky was FILLED with stars. I have always loved the sky...the way it changes...the colors. I think it's amazing. I started to think about how incredible it must have felt for Mary the night Jesus was born. While I will never feel the way she felt, and probably never be able to travel to where she was when he was born, I can't help but think that the sky was probably very similar to the sky we see now. It says the Wise Men followed a star doesn't it? I felt connected with her somehow that night. To think that she looked up at a star-filled sky holding the savior of the world the same way I looked up 2,000 years later. It made me want to cry.



What I have always loved about the Christmas story is that God chose to use such simple things and people to accomplish his purpose. Mary was a normal, Jewish girl who loved and obeyed God. Joseph a carpenter. The first people the angels told were a group of shepherds. It's incredible for me to remember that God doesn't choose to use people who are perfect but who are willing. I love that.

I promise to upload pics soon! Promise promise. Hope your Christmas was filled with family and pies and time to reflect on what this season really means. Emmanuel. God with us. What a story.

Snapshots

Without sounding conceited, I always kind of thought I would make a good photographer. I love pictures. It's just amazing...the way they capture life...time...expressions. I would love more pictures of my grandma when she was young, my mom and dad when they were dating, me as a baby. I entered some photography contests in high school and actually did pretty well...but life happened and I feel like I never have enough money/time to puruse it.

The reason I have always wanted to be more diligent about photography is not just because I love photos...but because I imagine things in 'snapshots'. I am such a dreamer...always have been. I see life as a story, and I often catch myself taking mental pictures of different things.

For instance, at my paw paw's funeral my cousins and I each took some flowers from the arrangments at the graveside. While we were walking away I stopped and just looked at all my cousins walking together...dressed in black but holding bright bursts of colored flowers. What a picture I thought. Mourning and sunshine...together.

Last night I went to the Christmas program of my sweet friends daughter, Bella. She was up onstage...nervous and smiley...and I just wanted to capture that face forever. To remember her little shy smile and the big hat that kept falling over her eyes.

Last week a marine from a local small town was killed in Afghanistan. The town is covered in ribbons - ribbons on every tree and light post. They held a candlelight vigil for him and nearly everyone in town showed up. I wanted to pull over and capture their faces...their tears in the soft light.

A picture is worth a thousand words...isn't that what they say? Well whoever they are, they're right. Maybe one day I'll win Wheel of Fortune and buy a nice camera and travel the country...snapping pictures of old men in their rocking chairs and kids feeding ducks at the park. Until then I guess the snapshots in my mind will have to do...:)

Thanksgiving Love!

I'm sorry I haven't blogged more. I'm feeling negative lately and I don't want to pass that on so I have chosen instead not to write.

HOWEVER, I am in the office (aka: my second home) waiting for a group to show up that is now...45 minutes late...so I thought I would. I've been wanting to write about the first annual Patsy Party! The day after Thanksgiving I had a bunch of my aunts and girl cousins over to my house for dinner. My grandma passed away four years ago this month and I felt we were already starting to lose some of the precious memories of her. We have new babies and cousins-in-law that have never met her. I feel so very honored to have known this lady - to be her heir - so I threw a Patsy Party! :)

I hope we can make it an annual event. I just wanted the girls of the family to get together and fellowship and celebrate her legacy. This year we decided to use the large amounts of costume jewelry she had to make cute things that we could wear. We turned clip-on earrings into pierced, glued broaches to picture frames and made headbands and hairclips with beads and charms. Honestly, the stuff turned out really cute and I adore the fact that I can wear something that she loved in a way that I love!

Cute sister Glory working on some Patsy crafts. Love that hat sis!

My precious cousin Trisha showing off her creation. <3

Creative juices flowing. :)

Here we are with our crafts! Acting crazy of course.

It was so much fun and I'm so happy we did it! I want to honor the heritage she left behind. Seeing those silly broaches and clip on earrings made me miss her so much more. I could almost see them pinned to one of her 'church blouses' and smell her 'Avon' perfume. I hope I never forget those things...

In other news, Thanksgiving was lovely and wonderful. I absolutely adore having the whole fam together.

Here's our cheesy annual pie pic. Sisters!

This was the first Thanksgiving for the nephs! Amazing to think that this time last year we were praying that God would bless our family with some little ones and here they are! Love these miracles.

These boys are sweet reminders that God does things in His time and not ours. Just have to keep reminding myself of that....:)

Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I'm not a big fan of the fall/winter seasons. I realize they are lovely. I really enjoy certain things about them...

But I kind of dread this time of year. I think it can be incredibly lonely. Aside from Thanksgiving and Christmas, which last a few days, I think the months of November, December & January are just lonely. It is cold outside and gets dark early. There is not as much sunshine - and if you were lonely before - you really notice it during the winter months. Or maybe that's just me. But I have heard reports of how more deaths/suicides happen during the Holiday season, and I think that's awful. I guess all of the fellowship and happiness surrounding people makes them realize that they are more alone than they thought they were.

I always get in some kind of fall/winter slump. I can't run outside, and I don't want to hang out outside because it's cold. It's basically dark when I get off of work so I feel like I am in the office and then in my house. I long for the spring and summer months. Plus, something about the holiday season makes me pensive...it's like I'm longing for something but I don't know what it is. I'm pretty sure it's the frosty air and twinkly lights. I don't even know what I'm missing...but I miss something. My house feels more empty. The days feel longer. I just don't know what to do with all that 'inside' time.

Also, don't even get me STARTED on how I look during the winter. Can we say pale skin, static hair and chunky knit sweaters? No thanks. No thank you. I see pictures of myself and have terrible flashbacks to my horrible twelve year old phase when I wore slick-painted Christmas stocking sweatshirts. Not cute.

Anyways, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer so I have decided to list some things I love about this time of year...

Surely there is something....

Come on Abby...think....think....okay, I'm just kidding. Here it goes:

1. I love homemade hot chocolate.

2. I love boots.

3. I love baking...and this season definitely calls for pies and sugar cookies.

4. I love that my whole family gets together - even if it's only for a few days.

5. I love the smell of a real Christmas tree.

6. I love singing Christmas music at church.

7. I love buying presents for people

8. I like how everything seems to 'sparkle' around December - all the stores and streets just look sparkly.

9. I love reading 'The Chronicles of Narnia' every year during the winter.

10. I love watching cheesy old Christmas movies on TV.

11. I love celebrating the fact that God sent His only son to earth in the form of a little baby...it reminds me that He chooses to do things much differently than we think they should be done.

Okay, okay, I guess it's not so bad...but I'm telling you right now...winter's got nothin' on spring. :)

Dreaming is Free.

I love my job to pieces...but sometimes I get on these kicks where I spend quite a few weekend hours just poring over house decorating blogs and dreaming of a full-time job of home improvement and antique restoration.

I love...and I mean LOVE...house decorating/renovation. Because I don't have any type of budget for this and I'm a renter, I guess you could say I live vicariously through bloggers/HGTV stars who do this for a living. I can't imagine how wonderful it would be to own a little cottage where I had the finances to buy floral pillows and white down comforters and paint and cover everything in reclaimed wood. Mmm. I get excited just thinking about it.

One of my dreams/life goals is to get married, have a ridiculous number of sweet babies and buy an 0ld beat-up house that we can love and make our own. I know that is a little silly but I'm serious! I would rather buy an old house and renovate it than build a completely new one.

I think my love for reclaimed/vintage things probably stems from the fact that I am extremely sentimental. I get giddy when I think about an unused piece of wood or furniture being given new life and turned into something lovely and cherished. Stories where an old house is purchased and restored makes me want to go out and hug the owners. I just adore that! Imagine all of the memories in those walls...the love shared there...the family Thanksgivings and Birthday parties. I think it's just lovely to think that your family could put down roots and build memories alongside those.

I dream of a house with a huge front porch for drinking lemonade and laughing...a house that's clean but comfortable. Where no one is scared to put a drink down without a coaster. A house that is filled to the brim with cookies and family and finger paintings hanging on the walls. A kitchen and dining room where we worry more about spending time together than gourmet meals and calorie counting...and a backyard where my kids can run through the sheets drying on the clothesline.

One of these days...

Until then, I'm happy to have my little blue rent house. I know I'm extremely blessed and there will probably be days down the road that will make me long for these days...when I can take a bubble bath or read a book pretty much anytime I want. There are definitely some positives in the right now....but a girl can dream right? :)

Paw Paw Bennie

I haven't been a good blogger...I know! I've been busy and sick and in the words of Kesha, blah blah blah. I promise to do better.

My Paw Paw Bennie passed away a couple of weeks ago. He was my last living grandparent...84 years old. He had a good long life, and I guess it was somewhat expected. But it was still very difficult. I have to admit the fact that my husband will never meet my grandparents; my kids will never get to sit on his lap or go out and feed chickens with him. It's sad. I think I go through life sometimes thinking I'm still 15 until something like this happens and I realize I am grown up. My parents are now the grandparents. I am the adult. It's strange.

But there were good parts of the weekend. His funeral was perfect for him. We buried him in his overalls. Me, my sisters and two of my cousins sang. The pastor from the Cowboy Church in George West did the service. He was one of the only preachers Paw liked...and he did such a wonderful job. He had each of the 18 grandkids stand up and tell everyone our 'Paw Paw Bennie nickname'. :) He didn't call any of us by our actual names - he called us whatever he wanted. My sisters were Chinaberry, Dumplin and Red. My Bubba was Gnat. I was just Babygirl. Whenever I walked into his house or room he would say, "well here comes Paw Paw's babygirl." We've got Maggie May, John Henry, Skeeter, Ray Ray, Shorty, Hamburger and a few names I can't mention without cussing...haha. My Paw Paw was a little rough around the edges. He could be rather ornary. He was tough on us sometimes. But we know he is in Heaven. He accepted Christ. And his granddaughters know that deep down, he was just a big marshmellow (shh...that's a secret:)

It was a difficult weekend. It wass hard to see my brother and grown cousins crying...to see my aunt holding a folded American flag...to see his sweet grandsons carrying his wooden casket...to see him laying there and know that he is not going to open his eyes and sit up and sing some silly song. I learned so much from him. Because of him I don't think I can ever drive a Ford or date a guy with soft hands...haha. I learned that I should not be afraid of hard work and that when you commit to something like marriage you stick with it; even when it's difficult. I inherited my strong will from him I think. My passion for certain causes and refusal to change my mind remind me very much of Bennie Whitley. I hope and pray that I honor his legacy by using that strong will and passion for good causes. I hope I set my mind on and commit to the right things. I feel very proud to have that piece of him with me. I am proud to be his granddaughter. Lord knows he wasn't perfect, but he was honest. He worked hard. He loved his family. He would do anything for anyone. And I believe those things are the most important.

I always say that Paw Paw is the reason for the 'fire in our eyes'. And it's true. When I'm scared or worried I think about him and I can almost hear his gruff voice saying, "well, don't just stand around and hold up the floor. Get in there and get it done!"

I'm gonna miss hearing that voice....

Rebel Without a Cause.

Hurricane Hermine blew through South Texas Tuesday morning. Of course, being the uninformed non-news watcher that I am, I had no idea. :) I woke up for work (after staying in Alice) to crazy wind and rain. I turned on the weather channel and found out that we were basically in the eye of the storm. There were tornado warnings and flash flood watches all over. My dad said I should probably stay there instead of making the 45 minute drive to work. I texted the camp boys. They said I could come in whenever I felt it was safe. I decided to go ahead and leave. I mean, the rain was only going to make the roads worse right?

Lovely huh? :)

As I was driving through the wind and rain I caught myself smiling. For some reason, deep down somewhere, I love wild, out-of-control storms. I think they are just beautiful...and there is something really fun about not knowing what is going to happen next.

If you know me at all you probably think this is completely out of character. I am, by definition, a rule-follower. I color inside the lines. I never got in trouble in school or went through a 'wild' phase. BUT, I think deep down inside of all of us is a little adventure...a desire to do something crazy and irrational from time to time. Don't worry family. I'm not going to sow my wild oats at age 25...haha. I'm not talking about breaking the law or doing things that purposefully hurt you or the people around you. I just think from time to time we need to do something that is not practical...feel the wind in our hair; jump off a cliff into a river.

One of the things I love about God is His complexity. I love how I have known Him since I was two, but still learn new things about Him everyday. I believe God is compassionate and lovely. I believe He pursues us and gives us sunsets and flowers, but I also believe He has a wild streak. :) After all, He creates thunderstorms, with all of their power and fierceness...and Scripture says He is jealous for His people. He pursues justice. He is not just a God who sits on His throne and paints wildflowers and writes poetry. He is a strong, wild warrior and I love that about Him!

I believe He created us in His image - and that means He created us to desire more than just a safe life. He created us to be passionate, to fight for those we love, to experience pain, as well as joy. It means we are ALIVE, and not just robots functioning with no feelings or emotions.

It's easy for us to praise God when we are surrounded by beauty. It's easy to say thank you when we see a rainbow or a butterfly. The next time you hear thunder and see lightening, step outside. Praise God for the storm. Because God is good all the time, not just when things are what we think they should be. Thank Him for being strong enough to create a thunderstorm, but still willing to know you. It's pretty amazing when you stop and think about it.

"...two things I have heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving..." Psalm 62:11-12

Bucket List.

I recently read a 'bucket list' that one of my friends wrote. It listed over 100 things that she wanted to do before she died. I started wondering...what would be on my 'list'? I want to work towards things. I don't want my life to go by and then look back and realize that I didn't do the things I wanted to do. Soooo....

I wrote a list. 50 things I want to accomplish at some point in my life. I'm sure I will add to it as I think of things but I figure it's a good place to start. :) Since I just finished the list, 2010 is getting the short end of the stick. There are only four months left in this crazy whirlwind of a year, but I will accomplish what I can. And first on my list for this year: LEARN TO COOK! I bought this cookbook:

And I'm going to cook EVERYTHING in it before 2010 is over. :\

My mama and grandma are wonderful down-home, southern cooks. They can throw anything together and it tastes great! For some reason I didn't inherit that skill. I'm pretty sure my mama was so busy with six of us kids growing up that she didn't have time to teach us cooking skills. She was probably just trying to get the food purchased, cooked and put on the table for eight people three times a day! I did recently learn to cook my grandma's chocolate sheet cake and frosting - and it was pretty good - if I do say so myself! Of course it will never taste as good as hers did to me...but I'm pretty sure that's because she put some special 'Grandma Patsy' love into it. :) I'm excited about this new cooking adventure!

Most of the stuff on my list is pretty simple and probably a little nerdy...but it's my list right? I don't have huge, silly goals for my life. I just want to be a good person, share the love of Christ, help those that I can, live peacefully. I love this quote:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...the leave the world a better place...to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Other things on the agenda for the remainder of this year: play my guitar in front of church and learn to drive standard.

I have already accomplished a few things on the list (ie: go on a mission trip out of the country, graduate college, adopt a world vision kid).

For 2011 I'm going to run a half marathon, plant (grow?) my own vegetables and HOPEFULLY go to Yellowstone National Park. I'm also going to start raising money to dig a well in a village through Living Water International.

Isn't this fun? I'm really excited about it. I would encourage you to write a list if you haven't already. Be realistic but set some goals and work towards them! Life is about living and it sure feels good to know that you accomplished some things you always dreamed of accomplishing...:)

So what's on your list? What are some things you want to accomplish while you are here? I'm dying to know....:)

Twice the Love.

The twins are actually here can you believe it?? After what feels like a lifetime of ups and downs...praying and waiting...false hopes...small victories. They were born on Thursday, July 29th. They were seven pounds each - big littles (as Farica would say)! I can't even explain what it felt like to see them laying there in the nursery - completely healthy. It's surreal. We have waited seven years for this day!

Grant Wesley - 7.0 pds 191/4"

Asher Wade - 7.0pds - 191/2"

From here on we will see them as a picture of God's grace to Dixie and Steven; to our family. They will walk around like little miracles; evidence that God is faithful and that He gives His children good gifts.

It has been so emotional and somewhat draining the past few days. I'm tired...excited...overwhelmed. But Sunday morning, during church, and Sunday night, during staff worship at camp, God kept bringing the same question to my mind: "If I didn't give you this, would you have loved me still? Trusted me still?"

It's easy to trust God when things are going good - like they are right now. It's easy to know that God loves us. He has given Dixie and Steven what they always wanted - two healthy little ones. Our miracles. But what if He didn't? What if He decided this is not what He wanted for their story? Would we love Him still; trust Him? Know that He is faithful? I know it's not right - but I struggle with this. If God doesn't give me what I so strongly desire will I be content anyway? Because here's the thing: God doesn't owe me ANYTHING. He has already given me so much more than I deserve. And even if He gave me nothing else, His death on the cross is MORE THAN ENOUGH. I trust God when things are going well and then get really frustrated and angry when things don't work out like I want them to.

Shame on me.

I have been blessed with so many good things in my life and I have the audacity to get angry when something doesn't turn out the way I think it should. The truth is, I don't need God plus money or God plus a nice house or a husband. God is sufficient. God plus nothing. If tomorrow He took away everything that I have - my family; my job; my health - I would still have Him - and that's more than enough.

But He chooses to bless us - that's the amazing thing. He CHOOSES to bless us; even when He doesn't have to; when we don't deserve it. And this week that blessing came in the form of two seven pound little guys. Now that's a great week...:)

Sweet Little Nothings.

Okay, let's be honest here. I am stressed. Summer is in full swing. I'm at the office late every night. We have roughly 140 churches coming to our next four camps and I feel like I talk to each of the sponsors every day. My grass has grown up to my knees, I have no clean clothes and I am out of coffee creamer. Things aren't looking good.

But I love love LOVE how God gives me little things each and every day that remind me that I am okay...the world is good...I will survive this! For instance, last night I got to go to worship and had a girl here at camp come up to me during the invitation and ask me to pray with her. I love that! I feel blessed to have the opportunity to minister that way - even though my main purpose here is to work in the office. I find sweet bags of homemade cookies and candy on my desk sometimes. My amazing family texts me and tells me that they love me and are praying for my day. Staffers bring me Dr. Peppers when I'm overwhelmed.

I try to treasure these moments - to take deep breaths and remember why I am here - and what a great blessing it is to work in a ministry that I love. I get frustrated with certain things...and lose my patience from time to time...but moments like these help me step back and really grasp how fortunate I am.

During dinner tonight, as I worked feverishly to finish 625 camp books it started raining outside...and I saw masses of little campers running around screaming with their towels over their heads. It was one of those moments. I stopped what I was doing...and just stood outside in the rain for a minute and watched them; away from video games and cell phones and tv...just running and laughing together. I love that. I pray that I will be able to stop what I am doing from time to time and savor those moments...because they are what it is really all about.

Days are getting longer...

Summer is here people! Summer! I really love summer...except when I hate it. I would say it's about 50/50. :) Parts of it are really amazing: having ridiculously cool new staff at camp, getting free t-shirts, sort of having a life...and parts of it are LAME: working later, waking up earlier, sponsors being rude...

Really though, I love it for the most part. It's tiring and ridiculous and lovely and silly. It's like an emotional roller coaster. Soon it will be August and I will be looking back wondering how it all went by so quickly. I am trying to hold on to that fact - even when I'm dead tired and the phone is seriously ringing off the hook at eight in the morning.

Summer here at camp is a pretty accurate picture of how I feel about my life in general right now. It's moving too fast....I'm frustrated with certain parts of it...but I love it all the same...and I know I will look back ten years down the road and miss these days and wonder why I spent so much time complaining and trying to change things and spent so little time just loving my life and the people around me.

Ready for a list of ten random things in my head right now?? Here they are! :)

1. I need some new jeans.
2. I am so grateful to have some youth leaders to help me this summer.
3. I wish I could go to the river and sit in a tube all day.
4. I can't wait to meet my nephews NEXT MONTH!
5. I really love my sweet little office assistants this summer.
6. Are that many things in my life actually awkward or...am I just awkward? Forget it, I think I know the answer.
7. The free Dr. Pepper's in the Snack Shack are going to be the death of me.
8. I have a crush on the new song by the Josh Abbott Band, "She's like Texas". I mean, come on.
9. Can I please just continue to eat what I want and lose 10 pounds? Can we make that happen?
10. I wish I memorized more scripture, sang more often and actually woke up to make it to aerobics in the morning....okay, that was three things...sorry. :/

Now stop reading blogs and get out there and enjoy that sunshine! Well not right now obviously...it's dark...but you know what I mean.

Ooh! Wanna see my picture for my staff nametag this year? Well, you are going to see it anyway...haha.

The Brother.

Okay...I want to write about 300 different things...but I will try not to be too random/overwhelming. Story of my life huh? Hahaha...sorry. Quit laughing at your own jokes Abby.

My little Bubba graduated last weekend. His is my only brother and it's ridiculous how much I love him. I am seven years his senior (don't do the math) and I just remember praying so much that he would turn out to be a decent guy...a guy who loves Jesus and isn't afraid to stand up for what he believes in. And I can honestly say (not that I'm biased:) that he really is an amazing man (boy?)! He is adorable and hilarious and really sweet. He comes over and mows my grass without me asking...planted me tulips for Valentine's Day...he buys me Sonic drinks and lets me fish with him and laughs at my jokes (most of the time). He doesn't care what people think of him. He will spend time with people that most people will overlook. He sees the good in everyone. I mean, he has 5 sisters for Heaven's sakes! Mike Lovely is right..he deserves a special crown in Heaven just for that! :)

I love the fact that he drives a suburban with glass packs. I love that he cuts the sleeves off of most of his shirts. I love when he sings at the top of his lungs, especially in the morning. I love that he will never spend money on anything. I love that little kids look up to him. I love that he will always sit outside with me when nobody else will. I love that I can still beat him in a fight (hahah...you know it's true). I love that he is happy with just little things.

I walked in his room before graduation and saw him standing there in his cap and gown and it just made me want to cry my eyes out. Little baby Nathan...graduating? What has the world come to?? Lord help us all when the boy gets married. We adore him. He's my favorite brother - the only one I've ever known and a good example of what a brother should be. I'm so proud of you Bubba!

Cinco de Mayo.

Not really...I just wanted to write a blog post called Cinco de Mayo.

I haven't been a good blogger lately. I think I've just been in a weird mood...and I don't want all of my entries to be depressing...so I've chosen instead to just not write. But sometimes I need to...and today is one of those days.

This weekend I headed north to the wedding of my dear friend Jamie Coston. The Costons and the Webbs have been friends for about 100 years. Not really....but we did meet in the nursery at church. I feel like we are related; almost think of him as a brother. He married the sweetest girl in the world and the wedding was one of my favorites.

If you know me you know I attend a large number of weddings. I've been a bridesmaid six times and sang at twelve different weddings SO FAR. :) But they never get old to me. I always love them; always make the drive to be there because I think it's a magical, important event to take part in. This wedding was particularly lovely....I cried when Meg was walking down the aisle (which I always do) and when they lit the unity candles, during the first dance, the father/daughter dance...etc etc. You would think I was pregnant instead of my sister with all the emotions raging around. :) But it's just something that I love...seeing two people who of all the people in the world found each other. It's inspiring. I know...what an idealistic; unrealistic view...but it's the truth. God designed the two of them to be together and led them together at the exact time He wanted it to happen. It's lovely to see.

There is always a moment during weddings where I just stop - remove myself from the situation - and watch. Watch the groom when he sees the bride for the first time...watch the couples swaying to a slow song on the dance floor. And Saturday, during one of those sweet moments I just got really sad. We are grown up you know? No more climbing trees and eating watermelon on the front porch. We have jobs now - in different cities. Jamie is a husband. These milestones mark our steps to adulthood - but they are always tinged with a little sadness for me. I think I just want to go back sometimes to being completely carefree...and that's not possible anymore. We have responsibility. We have credit card payments. We don't have time to drive down random roads and pick up rocks. It's bittersweet.

Anyways, it was a beautiful beautiful day. I'm so happy for them and so happy I was able to be there to share in the loveliness. Three more weddings on the schedule for this year...good thing I bought a cute dress. :)

Lessons from Guatemala.

I have been trying to work through what I learned while I was in Guatemala...and while it is not ground-breaking revelation, it is what I needed to hear. Here it is:

My priorities are out of order.

Leaving the country, I thought I would meet a group of people who were completely different than me. I thought we would have nothing in common; and while there were major differences (language, culture, etc), the thing I realized was not the differences between us but the similarities. I realized that we all long for the same things - no matter where we live. We want to be loved; we want to find value and worth in our work; we want to support our families. Of course I knew this, but I don't think I realized it until I saw it first-hand. Here I was, miles from my home, in a foreign country and the people were - at their cores - the same as I am. I felt extremely connected to them, and that surprised me. I didn't expect that.

When I came back to America I tried to figure out what it was God wanted me to learn through this experience. Of course I could give away all of my clothes and sell my truck and send the money to the poor...but I don't think that is the extent of what He is teaching me. I think, instead, I need to evaluate my priorities. In Guatemala, because they did not have televisions and computers and six-figure salaries, the families and communities spent time together. They played silly games and ate together and worked alongside one another. They lived SIMPLY - with what they needed - and not much more.

I began looking at my life. Where do I spend my time? Where do I spend my money? I strive to...succeed I guess? I want my house to be cute and my hair to be nice. I want to help as many people as I can so I am constantly overcommitted and busy. But what is the most important thing? Could I drop a few of these committees and spend time investing in the lives of individuals? Can I live without certain conveniences and give that money to someone who really needs it? What really matters?

This thought was compounded by the fact that a friend of mine from ETBU, Heather Hopson-Graff, passed away suddenly last Monday. She is married to a sweet guy and has a four month old daughter. She was fine last weekend; and Monday she had a brain aneurysm. They tried to operate but she didn't make it. By Monday evening she was totally gone. 26 years old. I couldn't believe it. I've been walking around in a daze for a week - just completely shocked and sad. Her young husband will have to live the rest of his life without her. Her baby girl will never be able to know how amazing she is. They won't be able to shop together. She won't be there to help her get ready for her first day of school or on her wedding day. I just started thinking - what if that was me? What will I leave behind when I'm gone? Will it matter that I was in twelve organizations or that my house was decorated nicely?

I get frustrated on a regular basis because I have no money or because I'm too busy or because I'm single and don't want to be. It helps to step back and look at the big picture. Am I going to sit around being sad because I'm single or am I going to use this time to invest? Am I going to be involved in one hundred things and do them halfway or be involved in a few things where I can really make an eternal difference?

The only thing that really matters is what we do for God - the legacy we leave behind. The people in Guatemala spend quality time on the things that really matter. Heather left behind a legacy of love; of passion; of joy for life. What about me? What about you? Maybe we should all step back and learn to focus on the things that will last forever - instead of what is temporary.

March has not been my best blogging month ever.

Sorry about the lack of posts here people! No pictures...no posting. I'm in trouble. Multiple people have told me since last week that they are awaiting my blog post from my trip to Guatemala...and I'll get to it. It was an incredible experience...life-changing for sure. I'm just full of thoughts and ideas and too many things to think about at one time. I don't know what I learned while I was there. I don't know why God opened that door and made it possible for me to go. I know it was amazing...and I know there was a reason...I just expected to have some kind of huge revelation while I was there...and that didn't happen.

That frustrates me. Where is the great spiritual epiphany? I need to spend some down time going through my journal and collecting my thoughts. Between working and puking my guts out (sorry, that's gross) and washing clothes and sleep...I just haven't had time to dwell on it.

I promise some deep, theological eye-opener to come...however, right now...I'm going to sit outside. :) Maybe I'll set up that hammock I bought....

All You Need is Love.

This Saturday I'm leaving for Guatemala! I'm excited...and nervous...and excited. I feel very blessed right now. I was stressed on Saturday; wondering how I was going to afford this trip. I have not had to pay much, but in my present situation, I honestly don't have $10 to spare for extra expenses. On Sunday morning, my sweet sweet church family surprised me and took up an offering for the trip. They ended up giving me a check for just over $400! Now I have not only enough to cover the rest of my expenses, but extra funds to buy school supplies or medical supplies or whatever is most needed to leave with the people in the village there. God always provides for me. You would think by now I would have the faith to trust Him to do that. This just reaffirms that the trip is supposed to happen and I can't wait to get there!

I never thought I would be back in South Texas after college - much less in the church that I grew up in - but honestly, the members there are like family to me. They don't have much, but they would give their last dollar to someone who needed it. They encourage me and love me and I am so grateful for them. I need to learn to focus more on the positive things in my life - and those sweet church members are definitely some blessings that I often overlook. God reminded me of that this weekend. I wouldn't have been able to make it to Guatemala without their considerate hearts and generosity. I feel like I am taking all of them with me into the mountains of South America.

God opened my eyes to something this morning on my way to work. It's easy to look through people; especially the people you come in contact with on a regular basis. I wondered this morning about the lady that works the drive-thru window at McDonalds. I see her at least once a week while I'm picking up coffee. Always the same lady...always just as nice as she can be...at 7:00 in the morning...working at McDonalds. I wonder what her life is like? Does she have family? People who care about her? Children to provide for? I hope she knows that she is a blessing to me...that someone cares about her and the hard work she does day in and day out...all while keeping a smile on her face. I found myself tearing up just thinking about it. I prayed for her on the way to work. I prayed that God would give her patience to work with angry customers. I prayed that she would be able to rest today; to have peace; to feel appreciated.

We are surrounded by people that need to know about the love of God. People that need to know that someone loves them...cares about them...I was reminded of that by the sweet generosity of my church family. I want to pass that love on to the people around me. I want them to know that I appreciate them and care that they are here...even if I don't necessarily "know" them. God doesn't see the lady at McDonalds as just a random person. He sees her as a person that He sent His son to DIE FOR. And He would have done it for only her. I want to live my life with that on the front of my mind. I want my heart to break for the things that break His heart. I'm praying for that during this trip out of the country...and during my everyday life in rural Texas. I believe it's just as important across the street as it is across the ocean.

Alright...that's enough talking for me. Just my rambling thoughts for this manic Monday...:)

And here is a picture of where I will be this weekend! Can't wait...

Save the Drama.

Sooo...I tried to update my blog background and FAILED. I'm not a fan of computers sometimes. Anyways...

I am heading to Guatemala in just a few short weeks and I'm so excited about it! I'm nervous as well...but mainly excited. We will be building houses for two families there (aka: getting nasty dirty and not showering properly for a week). :) Honestly, I think it will be a lot of fun. I've always wanted to travel to other countries and this is my first opportunity! I'm so excited to see land besides the US...to have foreign dirt on my shoes...to sing worship with my brothers and sisters in another country. Please pray for me if you think about it. I am nervous/apprehensive. I'm working on trying to get all the supplies I need, while brushing up on my espanol and checking the mailbox for my passport.

Over-committed (aka: me) has been super busy lately of course. We just finished a big fundraiser for the private school where I am a board member. This weekend the youth committee at church is hosting a big youth rally and next week is Senior Adult Camp at Zephyr...which is basically my thing. Needless to say, I'm not sleeping much. :) I'm ready to be done with those things and on my way out of the country...but I know God will provide like He always does. It will all work out fine. I'll just be happy to be looking back at it wondering at how great it all was; rather than looking towards it and wondering how it will ever get done.

The lack of sleep and addition of major amounts of stress in my life always serves to frustrate me and make me dramatic. I've been a drama queen lately. We're not talking "The Bachelor" type drama....but a drama queen in comparison to my usual lack of drama. I'm just mopey and annoyed. I'm emo about lost friendship and ridiculous boys and my face and lack of money. I think it's the winter. I CANNOT WAIT FOR SPRING. Today the sunshine is out and there are flowers in the fields. Spring is right around the corner...but it's not quite here yet. I will be so so happy to have longer days and more sunshine. I think I'm in some kind of winter rut. Hate it. Hate. Hate. More hate. Abundance of Hate.

Hate.

Hahaha...bet you thought I wasn't going to say it again huh? I did.

But let's talk about some positive things! I'm in love with this sweet etsy shop: www.etsy.com/shop/vol25

They have OVERWHELMINGLY ADORABLE canvas prints like these:

Can't you see a whole bunch of them all clustered together as a wall collage in quirky frames? Ooh. Thank heavens for some cuteness to bring a smile to my face this busy week.

Hope you are having a lovely February!

Blog love.

I love LOVE reading blogs. I love people...and their stories...so I guess that's why. The other day I was reading Liz Seay's blog (wife of singer Robbie Seay) and I saw a post that just really spoke to me. She is, of course, married and has three precious kids. But she was talking about the years they spent trying to have a little one. She writes:

"No matter your place in life, you can be a mother.

How can someone be a mother if they have no children?

I believe women are born with the God-given gift to nurture.

Whether you are single, married, widowed, young, old...look around and see the needs of people around you.

You might not have a husband to love or a baby to hold and in a way your hands may feel empty.

Use those hands to care for the sick, bring food to the hungry, extend a hand of grace to those who are in need.

Nurture the children in your life, at your school, at church, in your neighborhood.

Find ways to mentor children who need your love and attention.

Find another mother with children and help her, love on her children, teach them about God."

Lovely isn't it? Such a wonderful thought. If I had my choice I would have liked to be married at this point. I want a ridiculous number of children and at age 25, I thought I would definitely be on my way to accomplishing that. I know, "how old fashioned of me!" It's just what I've always dreamed of. Call me silly if you want. I can take it. :)

I just love being reminded that God has a SPECIFIC PURPOSE for my life. I know there are things that I can do as a single woman that I won't be able to do as a wife and mom and I want to do those things. I want to love and serve and GIVE. That post just encouraged me today. Shout out to Liz! What a great reminder...:)

Small Town Kid

I went to Dallas this weekend...and I loved it. I love my friends. I was so so happy to see them. But, as it turns out, I am not a big city girl.

There are definitely some disadvantages to living away from civilization. Examples:

• If I want ice cream or chocolate late at night I'm going to have to drive 15 miles to find it. Unless I want to purchase some from the 'Green Store'. Everything in the green store tastes like cigarette smoke. Everything. It's also twice as expensive as usual. But sometimes, it's worth it.
• I can't just go shopping, forget something, and run back to the store. You didn't get toilet paper?? Too bad for you. You don't have enough gas to drive back to town this week.
• I saw an armadillo on my front porch. No, not saw. I encountered. We had a staring contest. Please don't ask who won. It's a sore subject.
• There was a scorpion on my bed on time...and one in my bathtub...and one on my bedroom floor.
• My tap water tastes weird.
• It costs one million dollars to have internet at your house...unless you steal it from the camp. :)
• I only have cell phone service if I'm sitting on one cushion of my couch. I can't move or I lose it. It's not even my favorite cushion. Lame.
• One time some people from down the road chased their pet pig through my neighbors yard. Apparently it had escaped. That's just awkward.
• Starbucks - 60 miles. Walmart - 30 miles. That's enough to make me consider moving. :)

But...to me, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I don't think I ever want to live in a big city...and here are a few reasons why:

• Nobody every comes over unless I ask them to. No trick or treaters or Jehovah's witnesses or people selling candy door to door.
• You should see the stars.
• I can be as loud or ridiculous as I want and no one cares. I only have one neighbor who is ever there...and they are louder than I am! (Just kidding Thomas fam:)
• No traffic! Except when you get stuck behind a tractor driving 10 miles an hour on a road with no passing lane....but that is rare.
• I spend less money...because I don't really make 'casual purchases.'
• I appreciate the quiet. No sirens or honking or yelling in the streets. It's nice...to be able to think and write and play the guitar.
• I can walk across the street on a pretty day and sit by the lake.
• I seem to eat better...I just strand myself with nothing but vegetables and water. It works.
• I see a lot of lovely animals. I feel like Snow White sometimes. Okay, that was an exaggeration. They don't sit on my shoulder or help me clean...but they are pretty.
• I can sit on my porch barefoot and read and no one looks down on me.
• Open space! I feel free.
• The air smells good.
• I can do fireworks.

Hahaha...I'm just realizing how white trash I sound right now. I promise I don't sit on my porch barefoot and shoot bottle rockets. Promise. I'm just saying...I could...if I wanted to...which I don't. :)

Of course if God wanted me to move into a big city I would do it. But I've always been a small-town girl. I blame this on my heritage. I feel trapped in big cities...with people on all sides of me all the time. Also, I'm really easily entertained (obviously:). I'm not used to having all types of stores and restaurants close by...so I get really excited about everything. My friend told me I sounded like Buddy the Elf this weekend in Dallas: "Wow look at the tall ceilings!" "Oh my gosh...that guy is wearing a scarf!" Hahaha...It's official. I'm a big dork. So friends, unfortunately I don't think moving to Dallas is in my near future. But I love visiting! And I miss you already. :)

I heard this statement yesterday and it really made me think:

"Sacrificial giving always alters your lifestyle."

When was the last time I gave over and above...in a way that alters the way that I live? I've always felt like I was a giver. I love buying presents and helping people in need...but I want to give...my money, my time, my resources...in a way that alters my lifestyle. I want to put aside my selfish desires and give even when it's tough; even when it hurts. Sometimes it feels like I have such a long way to go.

Work has been INSANELY busy this week. I feel like I'll never finish everything. However, I'm going to Dallas tomorrow! Can't wait to see Toyia and Amy and Jonathan and Amanda and the wedding of beautiful Angie! How exciting. :) I really really miss having people close that I can spend time with...where I don't feel like I have to be someone I'm not. I miss feeling totally comfortable around people. I guess I always feel like I have to be extremely fun or charming...so people will want to hang out with me. I want to get past the small talk and necessary questions and just be around friends that I can talk to honestly. I'm looking forward to that this weekend.

Other exciting events coming up: I'm starting a youth girl's Bible study at my house on Sunday nights and I CAN'T WAIT. Should be ridiculously fun. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in a few weeks. This is not necessarily fun...but it will be fun for my head to stop hurting because of those dang things. Switchfoot is coming to Corpus next month! Hooray. I'm so in love with Jon Foreman's voice and lyrics. He's a poet. Can't wait to see them.

I'm trying to live in a spirit of gratitude...to see the good in my life..instead of focusing on the things I wish were different. It makes a difference. At least it does for me anyway. :)

Blog question: Do you have New Year's resolutions? Or 'to do lists'? I've been wondering lately if these are a good idea...or if they are just setting me up for failure and disappointment...? Haha...what do y'all think?

Top 10 Requests from your local 20-something single:

1. Please do not try to set me up with everyone you know just because they are also single. Sometimes I wonder if people know me AT ALL. You want to set me up with a guy who loves beer and marching bands? Um...

2. Please don't give me pictures of your grandson. Does he know you're doing that? Really? Because I'm pretty sure he would be quite embarrassed.

3. Please don't introduce me to your single son/favorite guy ever/great nephew/neighbor by saying: "here is the girl I told you about!" This gives me the impression that you have talked me up. I now feel extreme pressure to smile and be overwhelmingly charming. This pressure, in turn, leads to me saying NOTHING CUTE OR COOL AT ALL. Yeah, that's going to work out. I'm so sure he wants to date the girl who just told him 25 interesting facts about Jane Austen.

4. Please don't ask me to babysit every Friday night. I reserve the right to go out with my friends or my brother or eat two gallons of chocolate ice cream. Just let me embrace that right.

5. Please please PLEASE don't pity me. Don't look at me sadly when someone gets engaged. Don't pat me on the back when my ex gets married. This is my number one request. Just don't.

6. Please stop telling me you 'have a really good feeling about this year.' I know you're not talking about a promotion at work.

7. Please stop pushing me out in the middle of a dance floor to try to catch a bouquet of fake flowers.

8. Please stop asking me to go places and then having random guys "accidentally" show up there and introduce themselves. I'm pretty sure this is just a variation of #1.

9. Please don't give me the phone number or email address of a lady you know who is 40 is single. I'm thinking this is supposed to be some type of encouragement but....let's just not okay?

10. Please don't invite me to your 'I hate boys' or 'Let's all wear black and be emo for Valentine's Day' parties. I don't hate boys'. I would like to date one. Also, I love Valentine's Day. You don't have to have a boyfriend to eat chocolate and wear pink. I mean, really.

Ah, the life of Abby. The fun never stops.

I went to a SUPER FUN wedding this weekend and saw some of my precious camp friends. Yay! These three girls were my roommates my first Summer at Zephyr. Room Six for life! :))) So good to see you girls!