Twice the Love.

The twins are actually here can you believe it?? After what feels like a lifetime of ups and downs...praying and waiting...false hopes...small victories. They were born on Thursday, July 29th. They were seven pounds each - big littles (as Farica would say)! I can't even explain what it felt like to see them laying there in the nursery - completely healthy. It's surreal. We have waited seven years for this day!

Grant Wesley - 7.0 pds 191/4"

Asher Wade - 7.0pds - 191/2"

From here on we will see them as a picture of God's grace to Dixie and Steven; to our family. They will walk around like little miracles; evidence that God is faithful and that He gives His children good gifts.

It has been so emotional and somewhat draining the past few days. I'm tired...excited...overwhelmed. But Sunday morning, during church, and Sunday night, during staff worship at camp, God kept bringing the same question to my mind: "If I didn't give you this, would you have loved me still? Trusted me still?"

It's easy to trust God when things are going good - like they are right now. It's easy to know that God loves us. He has given Dixie and Steven what they always wanted - two healthy little ones. Our miracles. But what if He didn't? What if He decided this is not what He wanted for their story? Would we love Him still; trust Him? Know that He is faithful? I know it's not right - but I struggle with this. If God doesn't give me what I so strongly desire will I be content anyway? Because here's the thing: God doesn't owe me ANYTHING. He has already given me so much more than I deserve. And even if He gave me nothing else, His death on the cross is MORE THAN ENOUGH. I trust God when things are going well and then get really frustrated and angry when things don't work out like I want them to.

Shame on me.

I have been blessed with so many good things in my life and I have the audacity to get angry when something doesn't turn out the way I think it should. The truth is, I don't need God plus money or God plus a nice house or a husband. God is sufficient. God plus nothing. If tomorrow He took away everything that I have - my family; my job; my health - I would still have Him - and that's more than enough.

But He chooses to bless us - that's the amazing thing. He CHOOSES to bless us; even when He doesn't have to; when we don't deserve it. And this week that blessing came in the form of two seven pound little guys. Now that's a great week...:)