Paw Paw Bennie

I haven't been a good blogger...I know! I've been busy and sick and in the words of Kesha, blah blah blah. I promise to do better.

My Paw Paw Bennie passed away a couple of weeks ago. He was my last living grandparent...84 years old. He had a good long life, and I guess it was somewhat expected. But it was still very difficult. I have to admit the fact that my husband will never meet my grandparents; my kids will never get to sit on his lap or go out and feed chickens with him. It's sad. I think I go through life sometimes thinking I'm still 15 until something like this happens and I realize I am grown up. My parents are now the grandparents. I am the adult. It's strange.

But there were good parts of the weekend. His funeral was perfect for him. We buried him in his overalls. Me, my sisters and two of my cousins sang. The pastor from the Cowboy Church in George West did the service. He was one of the only preachers Paw liked...and he did such a wonderful job. He had each of the 18 grandkids stand up and tell everyone our 'Paw Paw Bennie nickname'. :) He didn't call any of us by our actual names - he called us whatever he wanted. My sisters were Chinaberry, Dumplin and Red. My Bubba was Gnat. I was just Babygirl. Whenever I walked into his house or room he would say, "well here comes Paw Paw's babygirl." We've got Maggie May, John Henry, Skeeter, Ray Ray, Shorty, Hamburger and a few names I can't mention without cussing...haha. My Paw Paw was a little rough around the edges. He could be rather ornary. He was tough on us sometimes. But we know he is in Heaven. He accepted Christ. And his granddaughters know that deep down, he was just a big marshmellow (shh...that's a secret:)

It was a difficult weekend. It wass hard to see my brother and grown cousins crying...to see my aunt holding a folded American flag...to see his sweet grandsons carrying his wooden casket...to see him laying there and know that he is not going to open his eyes and sit up and sing some silly song. I learned so much from him. Because of him I don't think I can ever drive a Ford or date a guy with soft hands...haha. I learned that I should not be afraid of hard work and that when you commit to something like marriage you stick with it; even when it's difficult. I inherited my strong will from him I think. My passion for certain causes and refusal to change my mind remind me very much of Bennie Whitley. I hope and pray that I honor his legacy by using that strong will and passion for good causes. I hope I set my mind on and commit to the right things. I feel very proud to have that piece of him with me. I am proud to be his granddaughter. Lord knows he wasn't perfect, but he was honest. He worked hard. He loved his family. He would do anything for anyone. And I believe those things are the most important.

I always say that Paw Paw is the reason for the 'fire in our eyes'. And it's true. When I'm scared or worried I think about him and I can almost hear his gruff voice saying, "well, don't just stand around and hold up the floor. Get in there and get it done!"

I'm gonna miss hearing that voice....